I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
