its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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