and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
