No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
