I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize
