im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
