Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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