i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The ass gains better be worth it
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