Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize