i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
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i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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