He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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