3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my sisters under your porch take her home
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
