his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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