i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
