dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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