jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
