Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm passing your future prison.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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