shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
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I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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