I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
