I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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