Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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