I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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