i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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