You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
