So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
