Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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