he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.