Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads