good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.