Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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