I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
