Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...