hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend