I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?