who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
