sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
