Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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