You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
