your thong is hanging out like whoa
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
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It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
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Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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