I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
