Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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