Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
