Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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