Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
