im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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