"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
