just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
