i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
