wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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