i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i barfeds in our rink
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
