Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
