u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
