i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
we should paint friendship bongs
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
