So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
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He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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