It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
