I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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