ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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