Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
