Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
