I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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