This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
