Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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