My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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