Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
