my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
