couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
