So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
