I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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