My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
