My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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