Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
