I am puke
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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