either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
