We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
